What does a seminarian do over break?

Ever wonder what a seminarian does over break? Do you think that we lock ourselves up in our rooms/houses, eagerly awaiting the start of the next term? Well, yeah… some of us look forward to class… but we also have lives outside of the seminary.

What am I doing this break (two weeks between end of spring term and start of summer term)?

First, I’m helped out at a wonderful church in Southern Illinois last weekend and I will be preaching this next weekend at my home church. This will be my third time helping out there… and my first time preaching… ever! While I am certainly nervous about this… I’m also excited about this opportunity.

Second, I’m doing a lot of work with the American Red Cross. I’ve been a lifeguard instructor for about six years now. I’ve since expanded out to nearly all the available first aid and CPR courses that the Red Cross offers. Yesterday and today I helped with a lifeguarding course at SLU. Tomorrow is a day of rest and preparation. Thursday I teach a First Aid and CPR course at a Lutheran Camp. Friday I will help with testing and skills tests at a lifeguard class.

Saturday I head with my wife to see my grandfather who is having is oil changed… aka… getting a new defibrillator. This will be his third one. Please keep him in your prayers… his name is Elvis (how cool of a name is that!). With this visit to Central MO comes preaching at my home church.

Then the big event begins on Monday… I’m still not entirely sure if the “big event” will happen… so I’m not going to talk about it. If it does… I’ll be posting pictures and videos. All I can say and ask is that you keep me in your prayers as I will be partaking in something that has an “inherent risk of injury or death.” Don’t worry… I will be with trained professionals. 

Then… back to class. Lutheran Confessions II, John and the Catholic Epistles, and (pending approval) Christian Initiation (a independent study course looking at Christian initiation rites and working toward a faithful Lutheran practice of the catechumenate). 

I miss my metro

Gas prices drive Geos from clunkers to chic

I do really miss my 1994 Geo Metro. I learned to drive a stick shift in that car when I was in middle school and continued driving that car all through high school. It was quite normal for me to put gas in it ever 3-4 weeks. My gas mileage averaged around 45-50 miles per gallon… it peaked at 52. Now certainly it didn’t have much power, it only had three cylinders. However, it was the perfect car for a young guy who had a lead foot. People often said it was unsafe… guess what… the car was actually built like a tank. It was knocked around, driven on gravel roads every day that it was owned by family family (12 years), hit by two dear, and it kept on trucking along. On a side note… I did once race a thunderbird… and won. They underestimated how hard I would push that car, especially off the line. When my family finally got rid of it…. it had over 185,000 miles on it… and it is still running.

My plymouth neon does get good mileage… but nothing else compares to my metro. I’m tired of all the hippies who brag about their car that is so fuel efficient… getting 35 miles to the gallon. My old metro may have been the “egg mobile” but it could kick your car’s butt.

Obsessed with binders

I just counted… I have 14 binders in one room of our house. I think I’m obsessed.

Library Fun!

Check out the library thing blog with two great games. One is a Library of Congressing book reshelving game and the other is a reference desk type game.

Library Thing

Necessary KU Commentary

Since I am a die-hard University of Missouri fan… the following commentary/jokes are offered up for your enjoyment. They are offered up in jest… I honestly don’t endorse having hard feelings towards KU….. right……

Q: What are the best 4 years of a KU student’s life?
A: The 3rd Grade.

Q: What do you get if you drive by the KU campus real slow?
A: A degree.

Q: Why doesn’t KU have ice on the sidelines?
A: The guy with the recipe graduated.

The Student
A first grade teacher explains to her class that she is a Kansas Jayhawk. She asks her students to raise their hands if they’re Jayhawks too. Not really knowing what a Jayhawk is but wanting to be like their teacher, their hands explode into the air like fleshy fireworks. There is, however, one exception. A girl named Kristen has not gone along with the crowd. The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different. “Because I’m not a Jayhawk.” “Then,” asks the teacher, “What are you?” “Why I’m a Missouri Tiger,” boasts the little girl. The teacher is perturbed now, her face slightly red. She asks Kristen why she is a rebel. “Well, my mom and dad are Tigers, so I’m a Tiger too.” The teacher is now angry. “That’s no reason,” she says loudly. “What if your mom was a moron and your dad was a moron. What would you be then?” A pause, and a smile. “Then,” says Kristen, “I’d be a Jayhawk.”

Q: Why don’t KU grads use 911 in an emergency?
A: Because they can’t find “eleven” on the phone dial.

Q: Why was KU late for so many games last year?
A: Every time they passed a sign that said “Clean Restrooms”, they did.

Q: Why did they have to cancel the Christmas play at KU last year?
A: They couldn’t find 3 wise men and a virgin.

Q: What is the difference between a KU cheerleader and a catfish?
A: One has whiskers and smells, the other is a fish.

Q: What do KU cheerleaders and tornadoes have in common?
A: Both end up in trailer parks.

Q: What’s the difference between a KU bar and a circus?
A: The clowns don’t talk at the circus.

Q: How do you keep a KU girl from biting her nails?
A: Make her wear shoes.

Q: Did you hear about the KU athlete that won a Gold Medal in the Olympics?
A: He was so happy, he had it bronzed.

Q: What’s the most useless thing in a KU fan’s house?
A: The KU fan.

Q: How do you run a small business?
A: Start with a large business and put a KU grad in charge.

Q: How do you break a KU grad’s finger?
A: Punch him in the nose.

Q: Why don’t they teach drivers ed and sex ed on the same day in Kansas?
A: They don’t want to wear out the mule.

Q: How many KU students does it take to eat a rabbit?
A: Three. One to eat and the other two to watch for cars.

Q: What’s the difference between a KU cheerleader and a heifer?
A: About 30 pounds.

Q: What does it say on the bottom of Coke bottles in Kansas?
A: Open other end.

Q: What do you call a KU fan with half a brain?
A: Gifted.

Q: Hod do the brain cells of a KU fan die?
A: Alone.

Great joke…

From my History of American Christianity course… not exactly relating to the subject matter… but funny nonetheless.

In heaven the British rule, the French cook, the German serve as the police, and the Italians entertain.

In hell the British cook, the French serve as the police, the Germans entertain, and the Italians rule.

Shiftless crooks clutch over stick…

Link

I love this. My wife hassles me constantly about my car’s manual transmission. My response is that with fewer and fewer people able to drive a stick shift, my car is less likely to be stolen (it also helps that it is a dirty 98 neon).

The Semi-Pelagian Narrower Catechism

The Semi-Pelagian Narrower Catechism

I got this from tutal. It has been floating around the net for a while.

1. Q: What is the chief end of each individual Christian?
A: Each individual Christian’s chief end is to get saved. This is the first and great commandment.

2. Q: And what is the second great commandment?
A: The second, which is like unto it, is to get as many others saved as he can.

3. Q: What one work is required of thee for thy salvation?
A: It is required of me for my salvation that I make a Decision for Christ, which meaneth to accept Him into my heart to be my personal lord’n’saviour

4. Q: At what time must thou perform this work?
A: I must perform this work at such time as I have reached the Age of Accountability.

5. Q: At what time wilt thou have reached this Age?
A: That is a trick question. In order to determine this time, my mind must needs be sharper than any two-edged sword, able to pierce even to the division of bone and marrow; for, alas, the Age of Accountability is different for each individual, and is thus unknowable.

6. Q: By what means is a Decision for Christ made?
A: A Decision for Christ is made, not according to His own purpose and grace which was given to me in Christ Jesus in my baptism, but according to the exercise of my own Free Will in saying the Sinner’s Prayer in my own words.

7. Q: If it be true then that man is responsible for this Decision, how then can God be sovereign?
A: He cannot be. God sovereignly chose not to be sovereign, and is therefore dependent upon me to come to Him for salvation. He standeth outside the door of my heart, forlornly knocking, until such time as I Decide to let Him in.

8. Q: How then can we make such a Decision, seeing that the Scripture saith, we are dead in our trespasses and sins?
A: By this the Scripture meaneth, not that we are dead, but only that we are sick or injured in them.

9. Q: What is the assurance of thy salvation?
A: The assurance of thy salvation is, that I know the date on which I prayed the Sinner’s Prayer, and have duly written this date on an official Decision card.

10. Q: What is thy story? What is thy song?
A: Praising my Savior all the day long.

11. Q: You ask me how I know he lives?
A: He lives within my heart.

12. Q: And what else hast thou got in thine heart?
A: I’ve got the joy, joy, joy, joy down in my heart.

13. Q: Where??
A: Down in my heart!

14. Q: Where???
A: Down in my heart!!

15. Q: What witness aid hath been given us as a technique by which we may win souls?
A: The tract known commonly as the Four Spiritual Laws, is the chief aid whereby we may win souls.

16. Q: What doth this tract principally teach?
A: The Four Spiritual Laws principally teach, that God’s entire plan for history and the universe centereth on me, and that I am powerful enough to thwart His divine purpose if I refuse to let Him pursue His Wonderful Plan for my life.

17. Q: What supplementary technique is given by which we may win souls?
A: The technique of giving our own Personal Testimony, in the which we must always be ready to give an answer concerning the years we spent in vanity and pride, and the wretched vices in which we wallowed all our lives until the day we got saved.

18. Q: I’m so happy, what’s the reason why?
A: Jesus took my burden all away!

19. Q: What are the means given whereby we may save large crowds of souls in a spectacular manner?
A: Such a spectacle is accomplished by means of well-publicized Crusades and Revivals which (in order that none may be loath to attend) are best conducted anywhere else but in a Church.

20. Q: Am I a soldier of the Cross?
A: I am a soldier of the Cross if I join Campus Crusade, Boys’ Brigade, the Salvation Army, or the Wheaton Crusaders; of if I put on the helmet of Dispensationalism, the breastplate of Pietism, the shield of Tribulationism, and the sword of Zionism, having my feet shod with the gospel of Arminianism.

21. Q: Who is your boss?
A: My boss is a Jewish carpenter.

22. Q: Hath God predestined vessels of wrath to Hell?
A: God hath never performed such an omnipotent act, for any such thing would not reflect His primary attribute, which is Niceness.

23. Q: What is sanctification?
A: Sanctification is the work of my free Will, whereby I am renewed by having my Daily Quiet Time.

24. Q: What rule hath God for our direction in prayer?
A: The rule that we must bow our hands, close our heads, and fold our eyes.

25. Q: What doth the Lord’s Prayer teach us?
A: The Lord’s Prayer teacheth us that we must never memorize a prayer, or use one that hath been written down.

26. Q: What’s the book for thee?
A: The B-I-B-L-E.

27. Q: Which are among the first books which a Christian should read to his soul’s health?
A: Among the first books which a Christian should read are the books of Daniel and Revelation, The Purpose Driven Life, and The Late Great Planet Earth.

28. Q: Who is on the Lord’s side?
A: He who doth support whatsoever is done by the nation of Israel, and who doth renounce the world, the flesh, and the Catholic Church.

29. Q: What are the seven deadly sins?
A: The seven deadly sins are smoking, drinking, dancing, card-playing, movie-going, baptizing babies, and having any creed but Christ.

30. Q: What is a sacrament?
A: A sacrament is an insidious invention devised by the Catholic Church whereby men are drawn into idolatry.

31. Q: What is the Lord’s Supper?
A: The Lord’s Supper is a dispensing of saltines and grape juice, in the which we remember Christ’s command to pretend that they are His body and blood.

32. Q: What is baptism?
A: Baptism is the act whereby, by the performance of something that seems quite silly in front of everyone, I prove that I really, really mean it.

33. Q: What is the Church?
A: The Church is the tiny minority of individuals living at this time who have Jesus in their hearts, and who come together once a week for a sermon, fellowship and donuts.

34. Q: What is the office of the keys?
A: The office of the keys is that office held by the custodian.

35. Q: What meaneth “The Priesthood Of All Believers”?
A: The Priesthood Of All Believers meaneth that there exists no authority in the Church, as that falsely thought to be held by pastors, priests, and bishops, but that each individual Christian acts as his own authority in all matters pertaining to the faith.

36. Q: Who is the Holy Spirit?
A: The Holy Spirit is a gentleman Who would never barge in.

37. Q: How long hath the Holy Spirit been at work?
A: The Holy Spirit hath been at work for more than a century: expressly, since the nineteenth-century Revitalization brought about by traveling Evangelists carrying tents across America.

38. Q: When will be the “Last Days” of which the Bible speaketh?
A: The “Last Days” are these days in which we are now living, in which the Antichrist, the Beast, and the Thief in the Night shall most certainly appear.

39. Q: What is the name of the event by which Christians will escape these dreadful entities?
A: The event commonly known as the Rapture, in the which it is our Blessed Hope that all cars driven by Christians will suddenly have no drivers.

40. Q: When is Jesus coming again?
A: Maybe morning, maybe noon, maybe evening, and maybe soon.

41. Q: When the roll, roll, roll, is called up yonder, where will you be?
A: There.

42. Q: Hallelu, hallelu, hallelu, hallelujah!
A: Praise ye the Lord!

43. Q: Praise ye the Lord!
A: Hallelujah!

44. Q: Where will we meet again?
A: Here, there, or in the air.

45. Q: Can I hear an Ay-men?
A: Ay-men.

Happy E-Week

Happy Engineer’s Week!

Engineer’s Week has also held a special place in my heart. My mom has worked with engineers during all of her time at the University of Missouri-Columbia. She started at the research reactor (the largest university owned reactor in the country) and now works for the dean of engineering. Needless to say… I’ve spent a lot of time around engineers and considered engineering as a vocation at one point in high school. Being around campus for engineer’s week was always fun. The pranks were the best, sheep being let out in the ag school, giant walls being built randomly around campus, towers being erected, green snakes being hung in the law school… all in good fun of course.

Here is a great pic from campus. The reason MU has so much Thomas Jefferson stuff is because MU was the first land grant college west of the Mississippi, land that came to belong to the United States via the Louisiana Purchase.

Trading Up

Last Tuesday, as President Bush got off the Helicopter in front of the White House, he was carrying a baby piglet under each arm.   The squared away Marine guard snaps to attention, salutes, and says:  “Nice pigs, sir.” The President replies “These are not pigs these are authentic Arkansas Razorback Hogs. I got one for Senator Hillary Clinton and I got one for Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi.”  The squared away Marine again snaps to attention, salutes, and says, “Excellent trade, sir.”

HT: Balaam’s Ass