Necessary KU Commentary

Since I am a die-hard University of Missouri fan… the following commentary/jokes are offered up for your enjoyment. They are offered up in jest… I honestly don’t endorse having hard feelings towards KU….. right……

Q: What are the best 4 years of a KU student’s life?
A: The 3rd Grade.

Q: What do you get if you drive by the KU campus real slow?
A: A degree.

Q: Why doesn’t KU have ice on the sidelines?
A: The guy with the recipe graduated.

The Student
A first grade teacher explains to her class that she is a Kansas Jayhawk. She asks her students to raise their hands if they’re Jayhawks too. Not really knowing what a Jayhawk is but wanting to be like their teacher, their hands explode into the air like fleshy fireworks. There is, however, one exception. A girl named Kristen has not gone along with the crowd. The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different. “Because I’m not a Jayhawk.” “Then,” asks the teacher, “What are you?” “Why I’m a Missouri Tiger,” boasts the little girl. The teacher is perturbed now, her face slightly red. She asks Kristen why she is a rebel. “Well, my mom and dad are Tigers, so I’m a Tiger too.” The teacher is now angry. “That’s no reason,” she says loudly. “What if your mom was a moron and your dad was a moron. What would you be then?” A pause, and a smile. “Then,” says Kristen, “I’d be a Jayhawk.”

Q: Why don’t KU grads use 911 in an emergency?
A: Because they can’t find “eleven” on the phone dial.

Q: Why was KU late for so many games last year?
A: Every time they passed a sign that said “Clean Restrooms”, they did.

Q: Why did they have to cancel the Christmas play at KU last year?
A: They couldn’t find 3 wise men and a virgin.

Q: What is the difference between a KU cheerleader and a catfish?
A: One has whiskers and smells, the other is a fish.

Q: What do KU cheerleaders and tornadoes have in common?
A: Both end up in trailer parks.

Q: What’s the difference between a KU bar and a circus?
A: The clowns don’t talk at the circus.

Q: How do you keep a KU girl from biting her nails?
A: Make her wear shoes.

Q: Did you hear about the KU athlete that won a Gold Medal in the Olympics?
A: He was so happy, he had it bronzed.

Q: What’s the most useless thing in a KU fan’s house?
A: The KU fan.

Q: How do you run a small business?
A: Start with a large business and put a KU grad in charge.

Q: How do you break a KU grad’s finger?
A: Punch him in the nose.

Q: Why don’t they teach drivers ed and sex ed on the same day in Kansas?
A: They don’t want to wear out the mule.

Q: How many KU students does it take to eat a rabbit?
A: Three. One to eat and the other two to watch for cars.

Q: What’s the difference between a KU cheerleader and a heifer?
A: About 30 pounds.

Q: What does it say on the bottom of Coke bottles in Kansas?
A: Open other end.

Q: What do you call a KU fan with half a brain?
A: Gifted.

Q: Hod do the brain cells of a KU fan die?
A: Alone.

You know you are a red cross instructor when…

You know you are a Red Cross instructor when you start yelling at the TV telling a character they are doing CPR wrong. You would think shows would at least have someone advise them so there characters don’t look like complete idiots. What is sad is that someone will probably emulate some technique and seriously hurt someone. For example bending the elbows during CPR and thrusting, rather than using your whole upper body. Another example would be not putting the hands in the right place. You can kill a person or seriously hurt them if you are too high or too low.If you didn’t already figure it out I am an American Red Cross instructor. I can teach any level of First Aid and CPR up to First Responder level (right below EMT). My primary area of instruction is in lifeguarding and water safety (No Running!). If you are in the St. Louis area and want some instruction at your church or school, let me know, I enjoy working with church groups!